I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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