I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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