Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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