Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
