You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
