I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
