He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
