Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
