why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
