Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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