remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize