I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
