i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
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He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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