I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
