i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
