you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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