in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
