Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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