I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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