did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
