Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
