What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
