my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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