Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
