There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
