I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
