Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
