If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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