The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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