Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
