I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
soo... how was my night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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