She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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