my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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