Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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