Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
