why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
