Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
