update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????