I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.