I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS