I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.