He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
