k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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