I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
