this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
