You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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