omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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