remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
