I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
