I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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