I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
