My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
