this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
