Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
