sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
