So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
