The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize