hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
