I wish I could teleport
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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