My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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