The maid of honor just puked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
