Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
