Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
