Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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