i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
