you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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