New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
