she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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