After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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